


The Aftermath of Mercy

by lizznotliz



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 10:43:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizznotliz/pseuds/lizznotliz
Summary: "Duck lets himself kind of collapse into the bean bag chair. It’s still warm in a way that is both comforting and horrifying and he breathes in deeply through his nose, then out through his mouth. Deep breath after deep breath, just breathing in the smell of stale pizza and unwashed animal."(set in the midst of Episode 32)





	The Aftermath of Mercy

The loft is cool and dry, what with all the old exhibits shoved up there, and once he’s blinked enough that the afterimage of Billy’s light form has faded from his vision, Duck lets himself kind of collapse into the bean bag chair. It’s still warm in a way that is both comforting and horrifying and he breathes in deeply through his nose, then out through his mouth. Deep breath after deep breath, just breathing in the smell of stale pizza and unwashed animal.

It turns his stomach. He swallows bile.

Duck doesn’t touch the Playstation; the controller is still lying next to his boot. The game plays on for a little while until the lack of input from a player stops forward progress and the screen pauses itself. The music is playing on a loop and Duck closes his eyes and tries to focus on the repetition while his stomach settles again. It’s been years since he played Final Fantasy VII and there’s a part of him that itches to go back to it, something familiar and low stakes and _solvable_. When he opens his eyes again, he can see the shapes Billy drew in the TV screen’s dust.

Duck wonders who taught Billy to hug. Did he see it on the television? Maybe it was Kirby. Or maybe it was Ned, in that jovial and overly familiar way of his; maybe Ned offered him a hug before he left the Cryptonomica every night. Duck thinks he should have asked.

He should have done a lot of things.

He should have checked on Billy more. He should have taught him more words and taken him out for something besides pizza. He should have noticed that Billy wasn’t feeling well. He should have figured out that Billy was connected to that fuckin’ shifter. Maybe if he’d paid better attention, he could have found Billy some actual help instead of—

He stands abruptly, stumbling a little as he regains his footing after sitting in the low bean bag chair. There’s nothing more to do here, and there’s plenty more to do downstairs. He looks at Beacon, still held tight in his grip and blessedly silent for once, and then tucks it back into his belt loops. He’s not really sure what he feels right now - guilt and anger and sadness and there, small and niggling at the back of his brain, something that might be hope - but he definitely doesn’t feel ready for what’s coming. He might as well see what the others are up to, if he can help anyone else.

_Christ._ If he can help anyone else.

Aubrey's doing that flame fidget thing with her hands again, looking over a map of Kepler, when Duck comes back downstairs. He's asked her half a dozen times not to play with fire in the Cryptonomica - there's shit everywhere, on the floor, hanging from the rafters, leaning up against the walls, and he's sure she's going to catch something alight one of these days by accident - but given what he's just done he's not sure he has the right to ask anybody to do anything at the moment.

"You hungry, Duck?" Aubrey doesn’t even look up from the map; it’s spread across her lap as she sits on the counter, legs folded beneath her. She’s running her finger down a residential street along the riverside, nowhere near where they’re going to be tonight, and Duck wonders what she’s thinking about. 

Oh. Right. She asked him a question.

"Not especially," he says. He rests his hands on his belt buckle, on Beacon, like he normally does, but the hilt is still warm from his clammy hands and he ends up shoving his hands in his pockets instead. 

"You sure? Kirby was going to order pizza."

Duck doesn't say anything. He doesn't make a noise or shake his head or say _no, thank you_. He just exists, which is more than he can say for Billy.

Billy was suffering. He wasn't supposed to be here. He asked for Duck's help.

Duck wonders if it was wrong of him, all those months ago, to save Billy's life. Sure, there's something to be said for kindness, for pizza and Playstation, but Billy suffered, too, and Duck had to kill him. Maybe it would have been better for everyone involved if he'd just done what Minerva told him to and killed Billy on that table, or if he'd let-- shit, hadn't Beacon wanted to kill him in the forest? He should have let him.

"Duck? Hey, hey Duck. It's okay, we don't have to have pizza." Aubrey reaches out, startling him, and prods under his eye with a knuckle; her fingers are too warm, but it feels nice as she stops a tear from rolling down his cheek. "What's wrong? I mean, besides everything." She tries to grin, and it works for a second before falling kind of flat. She looks around the Cryptonomica, eyes going tight, and he knows that she's thinking about Ned but Duck really doesn't mind being here. He kind of likes it, actually. It makes him feel like Ned’s still in the Pine Guard.

"M'fine," he says, shaking his head and taking a step back. Aubrey frowns, leans forward until she's nearly falling off the counter, and takes another swipe at his cheekbone. It's stubborn and defiant and Duck suddenly, viscerally misses Jane. God, he should probably call Jane. He's texted her a few times over the last two months because he couldn't exactly hide the fact that Kepler was kind of falling off the map, but he’s been avoiding actually calling her. Duck’s a shit liar any day of the week, but Jane has always been able to read him clear as day and he’s not sure he wants her to right now. But if they're going to try to take back the gate tonight, if they're going after the Quell, maybe he oughta say goodbye.

“Didja go check on Billy?”

“Huh?”

Aubrey frowns at him again, tilting her head, then points at the stairs with a flame-tipped finger. “You were in the loft; did you go check on Billy?”

And it’s right there on the tip of his tongue: what he did. What he had to do. The way Billy looked wrong, the painful way he stumbled around the room, the sad shake of his head when he admitted he couldn’t stay. Duck could tell her that it was quick and painless, that it was a mercy, that he’s glad it was him who did it because it really shouldn’t have been anyone else. 

But they have a fight ahead of them, just a few hours from now, and the last thing Aubrey or the rest of them needs is to be thinking about Billy, imagining the way he dissolved around Beacon’s blade, when they go up against the Quell. Duck will carry that with him, but no one else has to.

It’s funny: Duck’s never been able to lie for himself. Not even when he was a kid. The words trip and tumble out of his mouth in an unconvincing heap but upstairs, when Billy needed a lie, Duck gave it to him easily. 

_Aerith is fine. It was a big scam and she comes back at the end and she's fine._

Aubrey needs a lie right now, too. She has enough on her plate. And it's just... there. Easy as pie.

“Yeah, he’s up there playing Final Fantasy. I told him we were gonna go take back the gate tonight and he oughta stay here so he’s safe. He can keep an eye on the Cryptonomica for us.”

Aubrey smiles. "Maybe he can decorate the place for us, for a victory party when we kick the Quell's butt and come back here and celebrate." It's the first time Duck's heard Aubrey talk positively about the future, talk like they're all going to make it through this and be okay when this is all said and done. That's good, he thinks. That's really, really good.

"Yeah," Duck says. "Maybe. We can ask him when he's finished with the game."


End file.
